Since I seem to be unable to commit to what we’ll call “organized exercise,” I’ve decided that for the next month (hopefully 2) I’m going to forgo buying metro passes and only use my bike to get around (or walk). this will save me $133 dollars a month, and forces me to be active. 

It takes me about a half hour to ride my bike, and I usually work 5-6 days a week so that right there gives me at least five hours of exercise a week, not to mention anywhere else I go. I’m only 3 days in, but I’m already feeling pretty good about it. Riding my bike home after a 9 hour shift today was definitely not the most fun thing I’ve ever done, but I’ve done it, and it’s kind of nice to be exercising without necessarily feeling like you’re exercising. 

Tomorrow I work about 10 hours, on Friday I have another 9 hour shift, and then my brother is coming to visit saturday. I feel like if I can get through these next few days in a relatively healthy manner then I’m golden.

I’m trying to not be upset about the fact that I slept in too late to workout before work and my mom wanted to skype me after I got home. I’m praying I don’t get called in at night tomorrow because I have a bunch of stuff to do for my friend’s birthday and I also wanted to do two workouts tomorrow to catch up on what I’d missed.

Mind fuck of the day: Looking back at pictures from the last few years and realizing you weren’t as ugly as you felt you were then.

Im not really sure how to describe todays workout. It started off so well and ended so distracting. In the middle I had to stop and go pee, then later my alarm for birth control went off (I AM SO BAD for turning it off but forgetting to actually take it!) So I stopped to do that. Then towards the end of the video there are a few exercises I just dont have the space to do so I tried to improvise. I don’t know. It was still a decent workout, I just don’t feel like I fully committed or something. ANYWAY, I’m still glad I did it.

Eating hasn’t been perfect, but I’m starting to realize there really is no such thing. I can tell you I’ve been eating a lot better. Way more mindful of whats going into my body, and I’ve been trying to take my time more instead of eating so quickly that I don’t even have the time to realize I’m full. I know I could but don’t really want to live without carbs so instead I’ve been trying to focus on minimizing the amount I have, or simply focusing on having better carbs. 

I still feel like I’m retaining a bit, but I’ve also be super lax about my water intake the past few days, so I’m going to really focus on that today.

:) :) :)

All I wanted to do was watch one half hour TV show before working out. Is that so fucking hard. My internet really and truly is awful. I have no idea what its doing, but its been about 45 minutes now and the episode isn’t even done. GodDAMMIT.

Workout done!

Not gonna lie; I’m pretty proud of myself for starting up again on a Friday because I said I would instead of waiting until Monday. Like I usually would. My goal is to wake up at 9 so I can get up, eat, workout, and shower before work. I’m on a double tomorrow and I know I’m going out after so if I don’t do it then I know it won’t happen.

The workout itself was okay. I forgot about that itchy feeling you get sometimes when you haven’t worked out in a while. I’m not sure if it’s extra blood flow, or extra giggling or what, but it threw me off a bit today. Oh wellll. The way I’ve planned it out, I’ll be back on the proper schedule in time for the last week of alpha phase of T25. I could just keep going as day one and follow the normal schedule but I don’t want my rest days to fall in the middle of the week all the time. 

I also think I’ll break up the double workout days into two separate days, at least for now. I know from past attempts that when I’m starting out, two days off in a row are too many. I get a good routine going and that second day of relaxation is just too much I guess.

I’d like this to be the last time I start. I’d like you guys, and I guess myself too know know that I’m really trying again. I’d like to make some real changes. Weight loss doesn’t have to be that hard! It’s a process, and I know this. It will take time, but it will happen.

So this happened.
In other news I’ve decided to go back to cheat days. This is getting ridiculous. Half my days are good, and the other half is pretty bad. I’ve decided to also do another no carb/ low carb week. Getting serious about my diet will make me serious about my workouts, and getting serious about my workouts will make me serious about me diet. 
My goal: lose 5 lbs every month. I will be measuring my success in other ways as well, but I’m trying to keep shit simple, so here it is. Eat well, drink water, exercise, lose weight.
K bye.

So this happened.

In other news I’ve decided to go back to cheat days. This is getting ridiculous. Half my days are good, and the other half is pretty bad. I’ve decided to also do another no carb/ low carb week. Getting serious about my diet will make me serious about my workouts, and getting serious about my workouts will make me serious about me diet. 

My goal: lose 5 lbs every month. I will be measuring my success in other ways as well, but I’m trying to keep shit simple, so here it is. Eat well, drink water, exercise, lose weight.

K bye.

It’s 12:30, but I’m  going to workout after this post because I’ve been a lazy piece of shit all day, and I’m really cringing at the thought of going to bed without working out again.

Once again I’m feeling a bit lost. My magazine job is over, and I’m back at the restaurant as my only source of income and reason to leave the house. I have so many things that I want to do lately, and I’ve just had no motivation to do any of them. Everything seems unattainable, but I know nothing will happen unless I make it happen.

If I admit something to myself, I’d say that I’m no good at freelance writing. I can do it, but I think I need more experience. I want to go back to school, or get another internship and pick up some more skills.

On a somewhat unrelated topic, I have a very strong desire to create lately. I’ve been saying for months that I want to start making my own jewelry and cards. I’ve been wanting to play around with my sewing machine, and more and more I keep coming up with ideas for business ventures. I don’t want to put this off anymore. I don’t want to take anything too seriously yet, but I have been brainstorming names, as well as starting to map out the materials I need to get started. I want to make this happen

By this time next year I really don’t want to be at the restaurant anymore, but if I am, I want to have created a successful side project, or at least successful to my standards.

On that note, I need to start focusing on my body and my health goals in terms of my own happiness. I’ve come to realize in the last few weeks that I base my happiness off of the way other people see me and how they react to me. My body shouldn’t be about anyone else. My weight loss or lack there of shouldn’t be about anyone else.

I really want to try to focus on bettering myself. I really want to stop giving into cravings and emotional eating. I really thought I had gotten past so many of these things, but slowly but surely they’ve all begun to pop up again. Somehow, I’ve been maintaing, so I’ve allowed myself to just carry on doing what I’m doing, but it needs to stop.

Tomorrow is the beginning of clean eating. I’m not going to count calories; I’m just going to focus on eating good food. Working out is one thing, but I know I need the diet and lifestyle to go along with it.

I really want to do some kind of detox, but I’m still looking into them because I’m not sure how I feel about them. 

So I guess for now all I have to say is that tomorrow will be day one.

When I start a new month of birth control I really get into a mood. I’ve been hibernating in my room, feeling completely needy but not actually wanting to leave the house.
Decided to play around with some makeup today :) Now I feel like I need to go out ahah. I should really just stop doing my hair and just let it do whatever it wants, because it seems to do much better on it’s own.
I really need to start working out again.
I really want to bake tonight!
I should go play with my friends cat because he’s out of town, but I want to play with that boy instead :}

When I start a new month of birth control I really get into a mood. I’ve been hibernating in my room, feeling completely needy but not actually wanting to leave the house.

Decided to play around with some makeup today :) Now I feel like I need to go out ahah. I should really just stop doing my hair and just let it do whatever it wants, because it seems to do much better on it’s own.

I really need to start working out again.

I really want to bake tonight!

I should go play with my friends cat because he’s out of town, but I want to play with that boy instead :}

// Things//

1. I didn’t workout yesterday because I slept at that boys house again.

2. I’m not going to have time to workout before my shift because he convinced me to stay longer this morning.

3. I can already see how this might be a bad idea. I should probably stop.

4. I think I’ll just end up torturing myself and sleep with him anyway.

5. I’m actually surprised we haven’t already…….

6. I think I’m going to take a shower, and make a tasty smoothie today.

Feeling cute, and my eyebrow game is strong.

Also not wearing a bra sooooooo I guess this means I’m winning

Kristen, 22, Toronto, On. SW: 213.
CW: 170.
GW: 135-140?