It’s 12:30, but I’m going to workout after this post because I’ve been a lazy piece of shit all day, and I’m really cringing at the thought of going to bed without working out again.
Once again I’m feeling a bit lost. My magazine job is over, and I’m back at the restaurant as my only source of income and reason to leave the house. I have so many things that I want to do lately, and I’ve just had no motivation to do any of them. Everything seems unattainable, but I know nothing will happen unless I make it happen.
If I admit something to myself, I’d say that I’m no good at freelance writing. I can do it, but I think I need more experience. I want to go back to school, or get another internship and pick up some more skills.
On a somewhat unrelated topic, I have a very strong desire to create lately. I’ve been saying for months that I want to start making my own jewelry and cards. I’ve been wanting to play around with my sewing machine, and more and more I keep coming up with ideas for business ventures. I don’t want to put this off anymore. I don’t want to take anything too seriously yet, but I have been brainstorming names, as well as starting to map out the materials I need to get started. I want to make this happen
By this time next year I really don’t want to be at the restaurant anymore, but if I am, I want to have created a successful side project, or at least successful to my standards.
On that note, I need to start focusing on my body and my health goals in terms of my own happiness. I’ve come to realize in the last few weeks that I base my happiness off of the way other people see me and how they react to me. My body shouldn’t be about anyone else. My weight loss or lack there of shouldn’t be about anyone else.
I really want to try to focus on bettering myself. I really want to stop giving into cravings and emotional eating. I really thought I had gotten past so many of these things, but slowly but surely they’ve all begun to pop up again. Somehow, I’ve been maintaing, so I’ve allowed myself to just carry on doing what I’m doing, but it needs to stop.
Tomorrow is the beginning of clean eating. I’m not going to count calories; I’m just going to focus on eating good food. Working out is one thing, but I know I need the diet and lifestyle to go along with it.
I really want to do some kind of detox, but I’m still looking into them because I’m not sure how I feel about them.
So I guess for now all I have to say is that tomorrow will be day one.